I’m finding him annoying and gross. Too loud, swearing too much, eating with his mouth open. His sandwich smells and now he’s sitting too close to me on the bus. Everything about him is becoming annoying, and for some reason I need to keep mentioning this to my friend. I can’t just remove my attention from this man.
My aversion is almost obsession-like.
I remember a good friend of mine, who in this situation would have said ”you should have sex with him” – as a way of working through the aversion (an aversion practice). I know exactly how that conversation with her would have gone, so I play it out in my head, and laugh at my own predictability. My preferences.
And then it hits me. All sex is, is a way of surrendering to the energy and tension that has been created. No, I have no desire to sleep with this man, and clearly, I DO have a desire...
Weeks before meeting him, I knew that I would. I didn’t know when. I didn’t where. But I could feel him coming and I knew he had something for me. I was at a festival and as I walked by him, and smiled (as you do at Burns) my body jolted to a halt and the words “Don’t I know you?” came out of my mouth. I was well aware of the fact that I didn’t. And also, I wasn’t choosing the words coming out. It felt as though my soul was talking. Had been waiting for him. We only spent a few hours together before saying goodbye. And yet, I knew this wasn’t the end. He reminded me of a portal inside me. One I had forgotten that I had. And while my mind tried to say “that was it” my soul knew there was much more to come.
My desert man is the archetype of the adventurer and despite having done a lot of work...
Last night I talked to a 14 year old girl who told me that while she is sexually active, she refuses to see a gynecologist or discuss different prevention methods. Probing a bit deeper, it turns out that she feels shame around "a stranger" poking around something that to quote her is "hers' and so private". I asked her how it's then okay for random boy's to go "poking around" and she looked at me funny - "they don't look down there". I ask her how many vaginas she thinks a gynecologist must see in one day and she doesn't care "it's embarrassing Laura! I haven't even seen what it looks like!!" So I ask her "why not!?" She screams and says that now I'm being disgusting. "Because! It's disgusting!!"
In a world that is so sex-fixated, how did we let our daughters (and our sons) loose touch with a body part that is so central to our being - the...
It dawns on me that he has compromised on his integrity. He lied to himself. He told himself he’d be fine settling. That it wasn’t actually settling.
And now he’s frustrated - angry. Feels wronged. But it’s so foreign, so alien to admit that he’s wronged himself. So, he’s placing the anger on me. Somehow I’m the one that has wronged him. I’m the perpetrator. He wants me to believe that I’m the reason he compromised on his integrity. But how could I ever be? It’s not something I have the power to take from him.
I love anger. What the emotion represents. Anger is asking you to put your attention on something valuable to you. Many people will answer that anger arises when someone has wronged them. If you dig deeper, you will find that anger is actually a sign of you having wronged you. It’s pain in another form.
Investing in a coach is investing in you and your transformation. It’s a clear currency of how badly you want it.
We have to be willing to feel and admit that there is something in our lives that we are not happy about before we are motivated to change the situation or ourselves. Nobody changes on a good day. No one. All change starts with recognition. “How is it actually going?” We have to admit that we want a change. We have to accept that reality.
So, you’re feeling stuck. You want a change, but what you’ve tried in the past just hasn’t really worked – not long-term anyway. You haven’t been able to make that lasting change.
You have considered getting professional help, but let’s face it, a coach does cost a lot. It’s not easy justifying spending that kind of money on yourself. It really isn’t. There is a lot guilt and shame around it. “I...
Doing this work is not comfortable. It will stretch you. And that’s point. Stretch you and grow you (grow you deep) into the person that you want to be. But it also stretches those around you.
When people ‘judge’ you (criticize, comment, or look for justifications), it’s because they feel threatened by you. You are doing something they don’t have the balls to do and you are holding up a mirror in front of them, confronting them with the fact that you are willing to change. That you have the courage to do the work, while they do not. It’s uncomfortable for them. This confrontation with their reality brings up a fear in them. “Are they less of a person if they don’t also do the work?” “Will you think less them if they don’t?” As a defensive strategy, to distract the attention from them to you, they shame you. It’s easier to throw their shit...
My specialty, or fingerprint, as a coach, is finding the message or possibility in every situation.
We can’t avoid pain, suffering or adversity. But the truth is it only makes us stronger if we know how to use it to our advantage. If we learn how to see what is possible from this place.
I really believe this. I believe we need to feel our pain, be with the hurt and let our selves be ‘down’. I call these ‘wallow days’ and I let myself have them on a regular basis. Because no emotion is better than another. Joy does feel better than grief or jealousy, but all emotions are there to tell us something. They all have a message for us, that only becomes clear to us, when we let ourselves be with the feeling.
It takes courage to discover or draw out the message in pain, hurt or anger. But it’s there. The possibility for a better life is right there...