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... doing this work will also stretch and grow those around you.

December 29, 2016

 

 

Doing this work is not comfortable. It will stretch you. And that’s point. Stretch you and grow you (grow you deep) into the person that you want to be. But it also stretches those around you.

 

When people ‘judge’ you (criticize, comment, or look for justifications), it’s because they feel threatened by you. You are doing something they don’t have the balls to do and you are holding up a mirror in front of them, confronting them with the fact that you are willing to change. That you have the courage to do the work, while they do not. It’s uncomfortable for them. This confrontation with their reality brings up a fear in them. “Are they less of a person if they don’t also do the work?” “Will you think less them if they don’t?” As a defensive strategy, to distract the attention from them to you, they shame you. It’s easier to throw their shit on you, than sit in the stink of it themselves.

 

Their fear is theirs to keep. You do not have to take it! Let’s say somebody brings you a gift. And let’s say you don’t need that specific gift. You tell them, thank you, but that you will return it to them, because it’s no use to you. Well, these projections, are just like gifts. Gifts that you do not have to accept. You can politely decline people’s projections, judgments, critiques and expectations. Decline their shit. It’s theirs and you do not have to take it.

 

And there’s a fat chance people will try to give you these gifts when you start reaching for your dream. There will be people who try to bring you back down. Not because they don’t love you, but out of fear of what it will do to their relationship with you or how it will affect them. Partners will tell you that you are changing. Some might even say that they don’t like this new you. Friends will tell you that you no longer have time for them or that you’ve become boring/extreme/weird/you-name-it. Colleagues will feel threatened and tell you that you are making a mistake and won’t succeed. Society will question your decisions and try to make you conform.

 

Doing this work is not comfortable. It will stretch you. And that’s point. Stretch you and grow you (grow you deep) into the person that you want to be. But it also stretches those around you. Those who stick by you, those who support you, push you forward, and are inspired by you, those are the ones to keep.

 

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